the song she sings is sweeter than before.
no need for regrets,
but lessons learnt and memories.

i sense something.

and Your
Presence
only makes
it
Stronger.

What About Love.

It lives as a mystery none can fathom,
A sweet song played in the heart.
A smile on the face of many,
It persists from the very start.
Forgiving from the beginning,
Living on to the very last.
Searching deeper than the surface,
Causing a reflection on the past.

to be in Love.
is this to ask a lot?
well, it don't matter.
because she is willing
to be in Love.
and to stay there.
for always.
With You.

Story Of My Life.

See that?

That is where you should have come in.
it was your cue-
but you did not take it.

See that?

That is where i should have said something.
it was my cue-
but i chose to ignore it.

See this?

This is why things are confusing.
we don't know our lines-
we don't know our signals-
but we try to act anyway.

This:
this is the story of my life.

a smile
in your glance
and
a twinkle
in your eye

i think i saw it.
i am sure i saw it.
i know i saw it.

captivated-
gorgeous-
will you tell me?

What Was.

don't look back,
you can't look back-
take a match,
throw it behind.

sparks fly-
the embers burn....

embers: we're burning bridges down.

don't recall,
you can't recall-
take a box,
throw in your regrets.

ashes pile-
the glue adheres....

envelopes: stuffed with feelings found.

package sent miles away:
the feelings are gone,
the distance is great-
destination unknown.

steps that are past?
you can't retrace-
'cause no trail exists
to these paths once tread.

you can stop looking behind you now:
the past is gone,
mistakes are behind.
the bridges have burned....
ashes scattered in the wind.

all you have are the memories-
the memories
that blow your way
every once in a while.

forgiveness will be the thing that gets us by.
embers: we're burning bridges down.
envelopes: stuffed with feelings found.

- [italics & bold by Mae, 'Embers and Envelopes']

letters written||
tears have fallen//

undeniably all for you.

- where's the fun in that? -

i think i am about ready

to quit.

Reality.

i smile;
but you do not know my pain.

i cry;
but you do not know my reasoning.

i laugh;
but you do not know my thoughts.

i look you in the eyes;
but you do not recognize the tone.

i believe:
you do not understand.

so let us go back
to where it All began.

Dearest You In Reply.

Dear You [#2].
This is my reply.

Oh oh, my.
iLoveYou more...
And late, late-
Terribly late am I!
But I told you it was coming,
And see?
It did...
Because you are worth it.

On to the guy front:
If they are
Odded out-
Weirded out-
Freaked out-
They're all of the male variety.
And a short story made shorter:
They enjoy annoying the females.
[As they so recently showed us by.."Run!")

But know that there is
A lucky guy out there.
A lucky guy who will
One day appreciate you
Like none other.
He's out there.
Somewhere.
Wait for him.
It'll be worth it.

Lately the days have been cloudy....
Literally.

But overall, life is good!
Them musics make me sing,
And singing arranges for a good mood.
And that J-man, He's amazing;
Spending time with Him has done wonders.
I've done some realization, and hon....
He is worth it.

Keep your chin up.
You are in my Heart: Forever and Always.

Sincerely yours,
[Alyssa.]

PS: Ohh, ohh, wait for it....

The A's will be squared in 8 hours!

i think it's time..to face the truth. ||
and it would help if you would be cooperative in this.

but i can start this time.

quite frankly; i miss you.

okay-
your turn.

and
tell me.
the truth?

Adventures of Driving Standard.

Clutch
"clutch."

Release
"release."

Catch
"not catching."

Catch
"caught."

Gas
"how much?"

Gas
"gassss...."

Gas
"GAS!"

No.
..revvV....
Release!!!

"release.
right...
Forgot."


Again.

Let us get our act together.
Let us simply face it.

Messed up?
A need to change?
Aye: Only Slightly More Than Muchly.

Life Questions.

It causes a feeling of distance:
A distance from the security
that has never really been there.

It causes a question of existence:
Existence in this world
that sometimes seems to only sit here.

It causes a reflection of the past:
The past where mistakes appeared
and prompted dreams to crumble.

It causes a search that goes deeper:
Deeper than the surface
on which you and I always stumble.

It causes a stench of uncertainty:
The uncertainty that daunts
the very actuality of love.

It persists on a type of insanity:
Insanity that questions
the cause of all being.

It is a quest for answers:
Answers that have made no promise
of ever making an appearance.

a feeling of distance;
a question of existence;
a reflection of the past;
a search that goes deeper;
a stench of uncertainty;
a type of insanity;

encouraging the desires....
strengthening the doubts....

And it still falls short of an answer.

FiM.

Just throw it in there again....

Your foot-
obviously.

That gaping hole
seems like a good place
for it to rest.

What the heck,
why not throw in both feet?

In fact,
I think I could
even
lend you mine.

My feet of course!

So that dark cavern of yours
might have plenty of company
in order to keep warm.

It must stay in business, you know.

And its menacing features
make it seem like such an inviting place
for them feet of ours
to rest.

[ FiM: also known as.... Foot in Mouth. ]

Things Change.

"Psst! Come here!" Me?
"Yes! You! Over here!" What's up?

"So why not?" What do you know about it?
"I mean, you should!" You communicated lately?
"Yes, absoluted'ly." You sure?

Because things change: even if we don't realize.

"Well... you should!" Woah.
"Do you?" Maybe.
"You do!" Perhaps.
"Red! It's true!" What does it matter?

Because things change: even if we don't want them to.

"But you should." You're funny.
"You like it..." Maybe.
"Don't you?" Perhaps.
"Freak... It's true!" I'll talk to you later.

Because things change: even if we don't accept it.

[...Inspired by an indepth (haha!) conversation with 2 fellow C-town youth.
Hmmmm... wish we'd hang out more, actually.]

A Genuine Letter.

Dear You [#1].
This is my reply.

I missed you Sunday too,
And come evening I just needed a hug...
But you weren't there;
Because I was here...
[And you were plainly not.]

I lay awake last night... and I thought...
Ohh, I thought about life;
I thought about it all, my friend.

Sometimes life seems like a Coaster:
[A Coaster of Color, in fact!]
...With vibrant and unexpected hues whizzing past.

But sometimes I wish life would be just a bit more simple.
Kind of like Black and White!
[...But it's not.]

Well, yesterday I was hurt, my dear.
But I suppose that is only to be expected,
Cuz sometimes them Coasters can't help but cause a bit'o pain.
And perhaps I blame it on myself...
For one must remember to buckle themselves in properly to stay safe!
And it seems... I failed to do so.

But anyways! Enough- No more of that!
Depressing things, they creep!
Enough- I've spoken too much!
Depressing things, they stalk.

And on to other subjects...

This week: it shall be splendid!
Hanging out and laughing and.. screaming?
[That's almost like saying I once had a beloved friend....
who peed herself one cold winters day!]

Nope, we do not scream.
You and I, honey, we shout joyously.
We sing to the world....
[Umm.. Perhaps I see how the screaming fits!]

As to our friend and her misfortunes...
A sad day it shall be if she fails to join us.
But goodbye, darling. Goodbye for Now!

You are in my Heart: Forever and Always.

Sincerely yours,
[Alyssa.]


[PS: We'll get him on. Somehow. Someday.]
[This Week. This Week!]

Messed Up.

Two words and one contraction:

It shouldn't be.

What?

Just nevermind. You know.

We talked. We joked.
We smiled. We laughed.

Great!

But then...

You liked. I grudged.
You forgot. I glared.

This shouldn't be.

Also known as....

I messed'us up.

Save Me.

When I jump into the nearest river;
drown in my own tears..
Will you save me?
When I jump from the tallest cliff;
fall right to my own doorstep..
Will you catch me?

The clatter: won't stop.
The noise: just gets louder.
Afraid of every next corner;
creepy conclusions,
menacing contemplation.
The beady eyes,
they stare from the darkness.
Anticipating.
Fearing every move
as the moon watches from far above.
A single eye
peering down..
Something about her
so peaceful.

Scared to go around the bend..
Breaking and skidding:
Oh my reactions,
not fast enough.
But dang'it, too quick for my own good.

Dreaming of every next moment:
Wonder, Commitment, and
Promise.
What will life bring to my hands?


Please save me from my tears.
Catch me from falling to my own doorstep.

Waiting.

waiting.
just waiting.
only waiting.
simply waiting.
yes, waiting for him.
oh i am waiting for him.

i will just sit here...

and wait.

Adventures In Grandma's Basement.

Ping, pong.
Horse!

Ting, tang.
Donkey!

Clip, clop.
...snicker snicker...

Uh-oh...

Clang, crack.
ELEPHANT!

Snap.
Oops.

"give me that ball!"
"cuz i'm gonna kick your butt...!"
"ohh no, You. Are. Going. DOWN!!"

Ohh the delight...
the laughter...
the giggle fits...
the joy.

Ohh the contests,
the games,
the new renditions,
the chasing and wrestling.

Remembering the young days,
and just rolling our eyes.
Remembering the old games,
and now rolling the ball.

Strategy?
Encrypted.
The sweat pouring down.
Pant, gasp, sigh.
Losing?
Every time.

...Failing?

Never.

[292-- ohh yah, baby!! Tara: we are simply amazing.]
[and Mike: 37... (oh dear. was it 47...?) HAHA... fabulously marvelous, i say. psh. back when we could only do 5.
what were we thinking?!]

(ohhh... the things we find to entertain ourselves. WE ROCK!! love you guys.)

Assignments.

Eighteen, seventeen,
Just the beginning.
Sixteen, fifteen,
Just started I say.
Fourteen, Thirteen,
I've broken a sweat.
Twelve, Eleven,
Is it over yet?
Ten, nine,
Only 8 more.
Seven, six,
5 now for sure.
Four, three,
Nearing the end...
Two, one,
Goodness, we're done!

Now let us start over again.....

(The volumptuous life of a grade "11" student.... ohh my goodness. Will it ever end?)

To Make It Right.

I will try a thousand+ times more to make it right.

But I have a question.

Will you try with me?

Because I cannot do it on my own.

Remember When.

Remember when we went on those walks?
Remember when we had those long talks?
Remember when we would laugh and hug?
Remember when on your heart I would tug?
Remember when we were declared to the world?
Remember when we had given our word?
Remember when we would run in the sand?
Remember when you would grab my hand?
Remember when we just sat there a while?
Remember when silence was merely the style?
Remember when we enjoyed life so young?
Remember when my thoughts never stung?

Remember when it was just You and I?
No one else, Simply no one else.

No, no, do you not get it?
None of this took place;
can't you just see?

Because nobody ever understands
that "remember when" refers to
something that never happened.

Coaster of Color.

"Come with me to a world of Black and White,"
said a dear kind sir to me.
"Journey with me to where we can dream;
yes, where we can simply just be."

Piqued with curiosity,
I questioned him.
"What is it like in a world of Black and White?
Tell me, kind sir, and perhaps I will follow.
Are there pretty Flowers and humming Bees?
Deer in the forest and Birds in the trees?"

He took off his glasses and scratched his head;
leaned on the post and thought for a bit.
"The flowers are there, bees and trees too;
deer in the meadow, birds on the fence.
But what is more, I will tell you this...

In a world of Black and White
life is so basic.
Everything so simple;
everything plain.

In a world of Black and White
conclusions are easier.
'The Red or Blue?' are put away;
decisions are so much quicker."

Content to listen on,
but fearful of what might come next,
I asked.... a Question.

"In a world of Black and White
there must be little Color.
The flowers so dull and the bees so dreary;
the deer so sad and the birds so bland.
Oh Please tell me this, am I correct?"

"Oh perhaps," he replied,
"But dreaming comes natural
in a world of Black and White.
Dreams are possible
and Love is the same.
Oh Please darling, will you come with me?"

I looked him in the eyes-
Regret.

My Tears about to fall:
"In a world of Black and White
things would be so tragic.
All of the variety would be gone;
all of it so Absent.
Dreams might still be possible,
but my Love, I fear it might not be the same.

So thank-you anyway, dear kind sir;
but I think I shall have to pass."
My Heart skipped a beat;
I knew right then what he had been missing
and I looked him straight in the Eye.

"Oh, but Please consider this, kind sir!
For I think I see what you ache for.

Come with me on the Coaster of Color
where life is not so basic.
Everything is not plain;
everything not so simple.
Conclusions are harder to come by,
and decisions take a little more time.

But the Flowers come in purple, pink, and blue;
Bees are yellow with black stripes too.
The Deer, they graze by the clear blue creek,
While the Birds- Oh they chatter
in the Midnight Sky so bright.

Dreaming is possible there too...
but it's even more Amazing.
Because in this World of Color?
Well, let me tell you please, kind sir:
In this World of Color you don't just Dream.

You Live."

Searching Deeper.

undeniably [weaker]. \\

vs.

// [unforgettably] You.

[not gonna happen!]

searching deeper.

for something true. ||

searching deeper.

for someone like You. ||

and guess what?

- You won. -